Think about one of the questions below for a moment.
If you are married, in what way is the girl you dated different from the woman you married?If you are single or dating, in what way do you want the woman you marry to be different fromthe girl you are dating?What thoughts come to your mind? I bet you have a few thoughts, I also do.
After being married for over 3 years to my awesome wife, l can testify that the girl l dated is different from the woman l proudly call my wife. She has definitely improved in ways I never imagined, and for the better.
If you go through dating and your marriage journey, you will inevitable look back to realize the girl you dated is different from the woman are married to.To clarify, l do not mean she would become a brand new person. What l mean is that her priorities and perspective about life and marriage will improve in many ways. Hopefully, for the better.Advertising
Either way, the woman you marry will not be the same as the girl you dated.
1.The girl you datedoes not want to meet your family or friends, she wants you all to herself.
The woman you marrywants to know your family and friends. She knows without them, you would not be where you are, and who you are today.
2.The girl you dateis overly worried about her nails been done all the time, her eyelashes looking in a certain style, and being beautiful for her peers.Her physical beauty is important to her.
The woman you marryis not overly worried about her nails being done. Instead, she is worried about being beautiful for her man, even if that means wearing no makeup. She focuses on her internal beauty and character building, because she knows real beauty comes from within.
3.The girl you dateonly cares about her career and her vision for life. She comes before the relationship, and does not make her future plans with you in mind.
The woman you marrycares about your career and your vision of life as well as her own. She knows you also have a plan, and works together with you to achieve the goals you both have. The marriage is her priority.Advertising
4.The girl you dateloves the financial cushion you can provide. She also expects something back whenever she gives.
The woman you marrywants to build a financial cushion with you.She believes that two heads will always be better than one. When she gives, shedoes not expect anything back.
5.The girl you datebelieves she knows everything.
The woman you marryis open to learning something new, and knows there is always room for improvement.
6.The girl you dateis scared to tell you her deepest secrets.
The woman you marrywill share her deepest secrets with you, even if it means losing you. She trusts you, and shares everything with you. She knows honesty is always the best policy.
7.The girl you datedoes not get excited about marriage and children (even if she wants to have some one day).
The woman you marrygets excited about marriage and starting a family with you.Advertising
8.The girl you dateshows her cleavage all the time.
The woman you marryis more modest because she knows her attributes are for your eyes only.
9.The girl you dateisnot concerned about cooking for you.
The woman you marryloves not only to cook, but chooses delicious and healthy meals. The way to a mans heart is through his stomach after all, right?
10.The girl you dateis overly concerned about how long you will be around, andhow she can keep you.
The woman you marryis not too concerned about keeping you because she knows you want to have a future with her. She is mature enough to know you can never force someone to stay and that you each have to choose each other every day, again and again.
11.The girl you dateis not willing to compromise with you.
The woman you marryis willing to compromise, and sees compromise as a necessity for ahealthy marriageAdvertising
12.The girl you datethrives on constant attention from you.
The woman you marrymirrors your affection and thrives on providing you with the love, support, and respect you need.
13.The girl you datetries to change who you are and compares you to her ex.
The woman you marryaccepts you for who you are and will not compare you to her ex. She knows you are the best and that you cannot change another person no matter how hard you try.
The woman you marryis someone you can have fun with, relax, do activities, or do nothing together and still enjoy each others company.
What are your thoughts on these differences between the girl you date and the woman you marry?
Some of these differences can also apply tothe boy you date and the man you marry.
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For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.
If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:
You are uncomfortable with a persons actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.
You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.
In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.
You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.
People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.
You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.
You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.Advertising
The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.
You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.
Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.
If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.
Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:
To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.
In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.
Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.
Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.Advertising
If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:
This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.
To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.
A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.
On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.
Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didnt invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.
I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area I didnt want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.
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I also noted that I didnt want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.Advertising
In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.
The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didnt put me on my heels I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.
Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.
Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.
In an column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,
Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.
Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.
Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.
It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.Advertising
It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.
It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.
Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties ability to hear the message.
Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.
When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.
I was intrigued and appreciative. Hed clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and Im hopeful we all do the same.
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