Now Im in my 50s, young men want to date me: Welcome to the world of WHIPS
Dating in her 50s, Bibi Lynch has noticed a surprising trend: the men pursuing her are younger. Much younger. And shes not alone
Location: Casita Andina, Soho London /Sophia Spring
Im in the Apple Store, praying to Steve Jobs that my laptop cant be fixed. Because the last image on my screen as it died was an obsceneselfiesent by a beautiful young man. And the last thing I need is it popping up in front of an IT guy.
Please dont judge me. This is what happens to your inbox when you start to date younger men in the early 21st century. Because while on a bad day theres more than a touch of Nanny McPhee about me, my 51-year-old self seems to be attracting many young bucks. And Im not unusual.
Just check out this roll call of famous women and their men. Madonna, 59, is dating model Kevin Sampaio, 31 the latest in a line of hot younger beaux. Mariah Carey, 47, is enjoying an on/off romance with dancer Bryan Tanaka, 34; and Demi Moore, 54, has reportedly been canoodling with actor Tobey Maguire, 42.
(Demi was also previously linked to art dealer Vito Schnabel, 31, and diver Will Hanigan, 34 as well as being married to Ashton Kutcher, 39.)
And, of course, there is the glorious love story betweenBrigitte Macron, 64, and her husband, the French President Emmanuel, 39. (Lets not dwell on the fact she was his teacher and he was 15 when they met.)
But the ultimate poster girl for age-gap relationships is Sam Taylor-Johnson. The 50-year-old film-maker and artist is married to actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson, 27. (Check out his Instagrammed 50th-birthday gift to her: a Sam tattoo. On quite a torso Dear God.)
I dont notice it now we just instinctively gel, he has said about the age difference. People who know me call me Benjamin Button they think Im an old soul and shes a young soul.
A post shared by Aaron Taylor-Johnson (@aarontaylorjohnson)onMar 4, 2017 at 3:14pm PST
So what in the name of Joan Collins (84, married to Percy Gibson, 52) is going on?
Its just what happens. Most men my age are married with children. Theyre not dateable. Im a very adventurous person and I also have a crazy life.
Im a single mother I mean, you have to be open-minded and adventurous to want to step into my world. People who are older, and more set in their ways, are probably not as adventurous as someone younger.
Is she right? Is this just what happens now? Madeleine Mason, dating and relationship psychologist and director ofdating coaching companyPassionSmiths, thinks so: Age is becoming less of an issue for both genders. And age-gap relationships where women are older than their male partners have become more accepted, thanks to shows like Cougar Town and female celebrities marrying younger men.
She cites a survey last year by that found that one in four women were open to dating men 10 years younger. And there are now hundreds of dating sites specifically for older women and younger men, she adds.
It may be a trend, but I cant be the only person to find the term cougar repulsive. Its predatory, naff, insulting to the woman and the man. Andtoyboyisnt exactly complimentary to anyone, either. (A boy to be toyed with? No, thanks.) Instead, Im going to campaign forolder women who are dating younger mento henceforth be called WHIPs Women who are Hot, Intelligent and in their Prime. And the men shall be called really bloody lucky.
So let me tell you whats happening to this WHIP. The last two dates I went on were with a 26-year-old and a 35-year-old (not at the same time). And the men DMing me on Twitter are also in their 20s and 30s. These pore-less, firm-jawed men are clever, successful, creative, and absurdly hot.
Its down to confidence. Im still neurotic about life but men? They like me or they dont
Location: Casita Andina, Soho London/Sophia Spring
They write, work in film, dabble in music and are super-interesting. They are men I would have killed to meet but could never attract when I was in my 20s and 30s. For me, its Twitter, not Tinder (or indeed m) where Im meeting them. And were progressing from tweets to DMs, to the messaging app Telegram, to phone calls and then to bars.
And fun is had. Youd think the dates would be excruciatingly awkward, with cultural references tumbleweeding. But no. We talk about our work, about what weve been up to, about politics/the world imploding, and we laugh. (Not about the world imploding.) They are funny, intelligent men there is no setting the dial low.
Sure, these are early dates so we wouldnt be going into the this is why Im single stuff but theres no feeling of being with someone younger. Until you step into daylight and see their skin.
Ascomedian Matt Rife, 21, who was recently linked to Kate Beckinsale, 44, posted on Instagram, beneath a photo of him standing next to a Care Home sign: Age is just a number. Find someone you love and take their breath away. Even if that means putting a kink in their oxygen tank cord.
Iactually think I have more in common with many young men than I do with many men my own age. Dont get me wrong, I love men my age and older but there seems to be a difference between single men and women in their 50s. Men = pipe, sofa, slippers. Women = Prosecco, slingbacks, Pilates. Why is that? Are men allowed to slow down? Is it seen as more acceptable for men to age, while women have to keep the vim, vigour and boobs up?
Men my age seem to be either slowing down, or eternally single (the Peter Pan Syndrome), or divorced andchasing their daughters friends(the Pervy Peter Pan Syndrome). And just so were clear, Irony Police, its not me thats going after younger men; theyre coming after me.
I know what you want to know. But I cant tell you, because I havent knownthese young men yet. Ive yet to find the emotional strength to reveal the bingo wings and my thighs. But believe me when I say that one can, ahem, tell, when were up close, talking and laughing and kissing in public, that they wont care.
(One thing I have to report about the next generation of men is their carefree attitude to dirty talk and public displays of affections. It makes you feel that they just cant help themselves; that they have to touch you. Contrast that to a date I had with a man my age who winced when I went in for a kiss: Were two middle-aged people kissing in a pub, he said.)
So no, I havent had sex with them. But there have been sexy photos (prompting actual gasps bodies shouldnt be that good), and the sexiest of calls. SweetHugh Hefner, these men are filthy.
Why do young men like me now? In truth, Ive dated younger men before. But more are definitely interested in me now that Im in my 50s. Which is lucky, because men my age arent into me at all. Im too old for them. One charmer announced he couldnt have a relationship with me because of our ages but I do have a thing for hot older women. He was four years younger than me.
Ithink its down to confidence. Im still neurotic about life but men? They like me or they dont. I sort of dont care any more. And the younger men seem to like that.
Recently a man (maybe 25?) smiled at me on the train, and then got off at the same stop. And then walked beside me on the stairs. And then loitered outside the station waiting for me. You say stalker; I say a young man who likes my attitude. (Either that, or he has a thing about his mum. Which is a whole other feature.)
The older a woman gets, the more relaxed she becomes about what other people think, and her self-esteem goes up, agrees Madeleine Mason. By her 40s and 50s, shes more likely to have come into her own, andthis confidence is very attractive and very sexy. As people live longer, were expected to change careers, re-educate ourselves etc…
Could it be that this is something we will see in relationships, too? That being older no longer means we are unhealthy or undesirable, and younger generations begin to see past age and see women as individuals?
Ithink so. Plus, 50 today isnt what 50 used to be. We take care of ourselves and look better now. Its not just true of the likes of Salma Hayek (50), Monica Bellucci (52), Halle Berry (51), Julianne Moore (56), Nicole Kidman (50) or Michelle Pfeiffer (59). Its true for us mere mortals, too.
And, of course,women in their 50sarent seen as desperate, as those a decade or more younger are often depicted. Or, in the words of an ex of mine, Wanting the baby before puddings arrived. (You can see why hes an ex.)
For me, the children thing is key. As thrilling as these men and dates are, its not going to get serious, is it? Not if they want kids and, like me, you dont have them. Being with someone,falling for someone, who would need to leave me once their male biological clock began ticking wouldnt be good for my soul.
Ultimately, the fun, baggage-free experience of dating someone younger goes against what I want and need. I need someone who understands the baggage, and Im not sure a gorgeous young thing could ever truly do that.
So I must leave the young pups be. Perhaps Ill wait until after the university holidays are over, though
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